Our busy day

On Wednesday, Ava had her 6 month check up at the doctor and her developmental clinic. She decided that she didn't really want to sleep that much on Tuesday night and we all almost overslept. We usually don't have to set an alarm clock because Ava wakes up around 5:30 or 6:00, but luckily Matt woke up around 8:30 and we rushed to make it to her 9:30 appointment. We arrived only a few minutes late to her developmental clinic. The neonatologists follow up with all preemies to make sure that they are on track and to set up early intervention, if needed.

Despite her lack of sleep, Ava was great. They had her do things like tracking objects, reaching and grabbing, tummy time, etc. The nurses and doctors couldn't get enough of Ava's smiles and her cute little outfit. They told us that developmentally, she is at the 3.5-4 month mark, which is her adjusted age. They said that they weren't worried about anything and she looked great. We will have follow ups every 6 months until Ava is 2. As if I haven't praised the NICU at Holy Redeemer enough, I love all of the doctors and I am so grateful that I had Ava at that hospital. They give exceptional care and take preventative measures, like the developmental clinics, to catch anything that might give the babies trouble in the future.

After we finished up with the clinic, we went to visit the NICU again before we had to go to the doctor. We only saw 2 doctors and 1 nurse because there were hardly any babies in the NICU, only 6! I think the fewest babies that were there during Ava's entire stay was 12! Since it was so slow, we got the chat for a while. Ava was giving the nurse huge smiles and was loving the attention.

Ava's pediatrician is in the medical building that's attached to the hospital, so we headed down to her appt. after our visit. It was around 11:00 at this point, so Ava was finally starting to get really tired (and only a little bit cranky). Ava fell asleep shortly after we got there and it was the first time in my life that I was happy that we had to sit for a while in the waiting room. We finally got called and they weighed and measured Ava. She's 15 pounds 6 ounces and 25.25 inches long! The doctor told us that Ava looked great and that we could go ahead and start giving Ava solids. And then came the shots...this was the only time that I thought that I was going to start crying too! I felt so bad for my poor baby...she was tired and hungry and cranky to begin with, so the shots didn't help matters. After a few screams and a little crying, she calmed down though.

On our way home, we stopped to get some rice cereal and little baby bowls and spoons. Matt and I were very excited to give Ava her first solids and to see the faces that she made. She actually seemed to really enjoy it and did pretty well for her first time with a spoon. I don't think that she liked the slower pace though, because she would scream in between spoonfuls. Once she gets the hang of it, we'll start giving her cereal more times throughout the day and then we'll be able to move onto the fun stuff like fruits and veggies!

6 months old? Already??

Well, today Ava is 6 months old! I can't believe how quickly it has gone by. I'm sure the next 6 months will go by just as quickly which means that Ava will be 1 before we know it! To celebrate Ava's half birthday, we went to Babies R Us and got a Raz Berry, a pacifier-like teether, and a holiday dress. A bit premature, I know, but I couldn't help myself, the dress was just too cute. Ava also got to spend time with her Aunt Erin, which she always loves and she's going to be able to spend all week with her daddy. Matt has this week off and will begin at a new company on Monday. Ava and I are both very excited to be able to spend the whole week with him.

We bring Ava to her 6 month check up on Wednesday and to a developmental clinic. The neonatologists have all preemies attend this clinic once they are 6 months old to make sure that they are on track for their adjusted age and to get them early intervention, if needed. We're anxious to see what Ava is weighing in at now and to see what this clinic entails. We will fill you in on Wednesday.

Here's a picture of our happy girl hanging out with her daddy.

VT bound...

Lisa, my little sister, came for a visit yesterday before she packs up and heads to Vermont to start a new job. Although not really my sister, she may as well be. My mom babysat Lisa and her two brothers starting when I was 3, so we've known them forever and they are family at this point.

Ava loves her Aunt Lisa and was so happy to see her. She always has huge smiles for her and she was talking and giggling for Lisa. Even though we're sad to see her go, we are very excited for Lisa. She accepted a position at Burton, which is a dream come true for her. She'll be staying with my brother while she's getting started up there, so it gives us one more reason to go to Vermont to visit.

Good luck, Lisa, we love you!

Our visit to the NICU

A few weeks ago, on one of my sister's 5:00 am trips to Wal-Mart, she bought a bunch of preemie clothes that were on clearance. Obviously Ava doesn't need those anymore, but Erin remembered how hard it was for me to find preemie clothes and even to find the time to go shopping while Ava was in the NICU and she didn't want other parents to have the same problem. So, she bought 17 onesies and 2 pairs of pants for us to donate to the NICU!

We braved the cold, rainy weather and finally brought them the clothes. I didn't think that any of the nurses or doctors would remember us, but they did. One of the nurses even said to a doctor who was trying to remember our story, 'Ava was the one in the back room that took forever to start eating.' (It's true...we decided it's because she just wanted milk right from mommy, not from a bottle.) It was so great to see Ava's other 'mommies' that took such amazing care of her. One of the doctors took Ava from me and then said to a nurse, 'you have to hold her, she just feels so good.'

Ava, who had just woken up from a nap and was still in a daze, just stared at everyone. She was such a good little girl, getting passed around to be held by everyone. They were just in love with Ava and they loved her little outfit, of course. We actually kept getting stopped throughout the whole hospital with people commenting on her little boots and sweater. The staff were all very appreciative of the clothes and they loved seeing Ava. It was a fantastic visit and I'm glad that we finally did it.

Here is the always fashionable Ava in her cute outfit.

And here she is before we left, relaxing in her glider with her bunny slippers on.

1 year ago...

It was one year ago today that I found out that I was pregnant. I took the test very early in the morning, just after Matt had left for his first day of work at a new job. I was pretty convinced that I would only see 1 line and I would just go about my day, so imagine my surprise when 2 lines showed up! I was so shocked that I did a double-take because I thought I was seeing things. I had to call somebody, but I couldn't drop that bombshell to Matt over the phone, so I called my sister. She was so excited and one of the first things she said was, Casey, you're going to be a mom!

Waiting all day to tell Matt the exciting news was so hard, but I managed to do it. I got a card that said something to the effect of, congratulations dad, and gave it to him as soon as he got home. He looked up at me after reading it with a huge smile on his face and gave me a big hug. We were so thrilled that we were going to be parents!

Here is a little photographic journey of the crazy year that we've had...

The very beginning, 8 weeks pregnant.

Halfway there (or so we thought!) 20 weeks

Getting bigger, 24 weeks

The last picture that I took before getting admitted to the hospital, 29 weeks.

Happy birthday to Ava! Just a few hours old.

Still in the hospital, about 1 month old.

After over 7 weeks, she's finally home! Just about 2 months old.

Mo loves Ava, too! Almost 3 months.

Smiling all the time now! 4 months old

4.5 months old

5.5 months old

Almost 6 months!

No Sleep 'til....

A couple of weeks ago, nights started getting really tough for us. Ava has never slept all the way through the night, but she was sleeping for a 5 or 6 hour stretch before needing to be fed. She would fall right back to sleep and sleep for another few hours before she was awake for the day. All the sudden, Ava decided that she didn't want to sleep at all unless she was being held. Obviously this was not ideal for Matt and I. I brought Ava to the doctor to make sure that she wasn't sick since it wasn't typical behavior for her. The doctor said that she was perfect (duh), but suggested that I read some sleep books to try to help us.

Ava and I went straight to the bookstore, which was a fiasco itself because I had to deal with the most explosive poop that she'd ever had, but that's a whole other story. I

got a book called Sleeping Through the Night by Jodi Mindell. The whole goal of this book is to help you get to the point where you can put your baby down in their crib awake and they can fall asleep themselves. Once they learn how to fall asleep on their own, they will be able to self-soothe during the night and fall back to sleep if they wake up and eventually will be able to sleep through the night.

It talks about positive and negative sleep associations and suggests using a modified 'cry it out' method. I definitely don't believe in letting my baby just cry and cry, plus the longer we would leave Ava alone, the more worked up she would get. Ava's negative sleep association was nursing and falling asleep while being held. I would nurse Ava and then either Matt or I would rock her until she fell asleep, then once she was sleeping we would put her in her crib.

After reading the book, we changed Ava's bedtime routine so that she was nursing earlier instead of right before we put her down so that she would stop associating sleeping with nursing. Once we put her in her crib, instead of just letting her cry on and on until she eventually got so worn out that she fell asleep, we tried what the book suggested. We put Ava down and would go check in every few minutes. If she was really upset, we'd pick her up to calm her down and then start over. That first night, it only took her about 1o minutes to fall asleep! We thought it was a fluke, but night after night she was falling asleep on her own.

We've been doing this for about a week and on average it takes Ava about 20 minutes to fall asleep, but she was sleeping for longer periods at night. She even slept for a 9 hour stretch one night! And when she woke up during the night, she was all smiley when I'd go in to feed her. That is, until last night...I don't know if she is having some type of sleep regression or just wasn't feeling good or what, but she was up every few hours and was screaming when she woke up. Around 4:30, Matt finally got up with Ava so that I could sleep a little. She ended up sleeping on him for a while, but woke up around 8 and that's when I took my shift. I got her to fall asleep around 10:15, but our good little dog woke her up after only 20 minutes. Needless to say, all 3 of us were exhausted and frustrated.

Lucky for us, I have the best sister in the world. Erin comes over every day for lunch since she only works about 5 minutes from our place. She loves it because she gets to see Ava and I love it because I get a chance to eat or shower. Today after she ate, she took Ava so that I could eat. Lately, Ava has also needed to know where I am at all times. So, while I was making lunch, Erin brought Ava into the kitchen and she just stared at me while I ate. She looked so exhausted, but just wouldn't fall asleep. Erin went outside and after walking around for about 5 minutes, Ava was fast asleep. Apparently she just needed some fresh air. My sister is amazing and is always here when I need her. I could never thank her enough for all that she does for us. Thanks Erin for being the best sister and friend EVER!

Hopefully this sleep thing is just an isolated event and we have a normal night tonight. Keep your fingers crossed for us!

Home Sweet Home!

As soon as Ava was home, all that I wanted to do was hold her. I felt like we had to make up for lost time and I just couldn't get enough of her (who am I kidding..I still can't). Things were a blur those first few days. Ava slept a lot, but woke up every 2-3 hours to eat which was exhausting. Adding to the exhaustion was the apnea monitor that Ava came home with. It was a great peace of mind to have that monitor because it would alert us of any problems, but the majority of the time when it alarmed it was because of a loose connection. And let me tell you, when that alarm went off in the middle of the night it nearly gave us heart attacks it was so loud!

Both Matt's family and my family came to spend time with us that first week that Ava was home. Both of our parents had spent time with Ava in the NICU, but only grandparents were allowed in the NICU. Unfortunately aunts and uncles could only look through the window at the babies to prevent germs from spreading. It was very hard for Erin that she was unable to hold Ava, so she was ecstatic when Ava was home and she could hold her whenever she liked. My brother also got the chance to meet Ava when he was passing through Philadelphia. He was pretty blown away at the fact that his little sister was a mom. My parents continued their weekly visits which they had been making since I had Ava. Their visits were much nicer now that we could be in the comfort in our house, not in the NICU. Matt's parents made the trip from New Hampshire and his brother came with them before he had to go back down to New Orleans to start law school. It is always great to see them and it was so nice to be able to spend so much time with them. I didn't want to bring Ava in public, so we mostly just hung out around the house. Everything was still so new for Matt and I, but they all assured us that we were great parents and they were very proud of how well we were doing.

As the days passed, we started getting into a groove and Ava and I became two little peas in a pod while Matt was at work. Ava really liked being held and there were some days that I could barely put her down without her crying. I remember being so frustrated and not knowing what to do so I called my mom who told me that if she wanted to be held then hold her because soon the day would come when she wouldn't want to be held. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved finally being able to lay around and hold my baby all day, but there were times when I just wanted to do laundry or the dishes, but couldn't. In retrospect, Ava's 'hold me all the time' phase really didn't last that long at all, but at the time it seemed like she'd want me to hold her until she was 5.

When Ava left the hospital, she weighed 6

lbs. 9 oz., almost double her birth weight. A month later at her 3 month check-up, she was up

to 9 lbs. 9 oz. and was 21" long! The doctor couldn't believe how well she was gaining weight and was blown away that I was exclusively nursing and not supplementing with formula at all. When Ava was around 3 months old, we went on her first overnight trip to my parents house. She was absolutely mesmerized by the movement of the trees and couldn't take her eyes off of them. Now that she was a little older, she was developing such a personality and she was really beginning to discover the world. She was starting to smile all the time and a smile from her never failed to melt our hearts (it still doesn't).

When Ava was just over 4 months old, we packed her up and brought her to Saratoga Springs with us so that we could go to a Phish show. My parents and Matt's parents made the trip

so that they could babysit. This was the first time that I was leaving Ava with anyone other than Matt, so I was a little anxious, but I knew that we were leaving her in good hands. The show happened to be on Matt's birthday, so it was nice to be able to go out and have some fun. We had a great weekend and learned that Ava is a great little traveler. She was very good for her grandparents and even slept for a 6 hourstretch for us, which she had never done before. We also found out that weekend that Ava loves to swim. We brought her in the pool and she had so much fun.

A few weeks later, we headed up to Vermont for a wedding. We were nervous for the 6 hour drive, but Ava was great. She was amazing the whole time we were away. Again, Matt's parents met us there to visit and to babysit Ava. (We're so lucky to have such amazing families!) The wedding was a lot of fun and it was great to see some of my friends from college. We were also able to spend time with Chris and Niki while we were up there which is always nice since I don't get to see my big brother often enough. We ended up staying until Monday, so on Sunday night, we stayed with the family that I used to babysit for. They were as excited to meet Ava as I was to introduce her to them. Anna and Ava were quite enamored with each other and Anna probably took about 100 pictures of Ava. It was so cute to watch them interact and see Ava smile and stare at Anna. Being there reminded me just how much I love Vermont and how much I miss it!

For Labor Day, we went to my parent's house for the weekend. On that Friday, we also got the news that Ava didn't have to wear the monitor anymore! After almost 3 months, she was finally free! I was so happy to get rid of that monitor, but I was also really anxious because it had become such a source of security for us. The first few nights were actually much easier than I thought they'd be. It's so nice not having to lug that machine around and not worrying about tripping over the cords. That was really Ava's last tie to the NICU.

That basically brings you up to speed and brings us to present day. Ava is almost 6 months old, which I cannot believe, and she has been doing so tremendously well. She is getting stronger and stronger each day and is actually further along than where she should be for her adjusted age (how old she would be if I had her on my due date of June 25). People are amazed when I tell them that she was a 30 week preemie because she just looks so healthy. We have been so incredibly blessed with how everything has turned out and we couldn't be happier. After reading peoples stories on the March of Dimes website, we consider ourselves so very lucky. Ava is our little miracle and proves it to us every day!

Thank you

As I was reading over those last posts, I realized that I didn't thank everyone and I would like to take the time to do that. We received so many loving thoughts and prayers throughout our ordeal, even from people that we had never met. We cannot even begin to tell everyone how much it means to us for you to keep our family in your prayers. It's amazing how this has affected so many people...from my dad's administrative assistant who has pictures of Ava hanging up to my mom's co-workers who are always asking where 'their daily Ava picture' is. The support of all of these people is so very special and has made even the darkest times a little lighter. Thank you all so very much for caring about our family and helping us through the rough patches!

Our time in the NICU

After the whirlwind birth that we had experienced, things did not get any easier once Ava was born. I knew what to expect because the head neonatologist had told me, but seeing my tiny baby attached to all sorts of things was so hard. And I just couldn't believe how small she was! I think that was the first thing that I said to Matt after she was born. I was finally able to see Ava after about 2 hours when they were transferring me to the postpartum wing. I couldn't hold her, but through my tears, I held her little hand and told her how much I loved her. (I cried A LOT those first few days!) One of her doctors talked to me and told me that Ava was actually in much better shape than they thought she would be. She had a nasal cannula which basically gives puffs of air into the lungs to help them expand, but she didn't need any extra oxygen. They also put a line in the umbilical cord stump so that they wouldn't have to stick her with needles over and over again. Because she didn't have any fat and couldn't regulate her body temperature, she had to be naked and was put on a warming bed. Seeing my baby like this was so scary, but I knew that she was in the best possible hands and they were going to do everything for her.

We were able to visit Ava at anytime, day or night, while I was in the hospital. I never wanted to leave her side,

but it was also so hard to just sit there and not be able to hold her. I spent most of my time with her those first few days crying and telling her how much I loved her. The day that I was discharged, which was 4 days after Ava was born, I was finally able to hold her. I was relieved, but terrified. She was just so small and I was almost afraid to hold her because I didn't want to hurt her. With preemies, the doctors have you do kangaroo care. This is where the baby lays on you, skin to skin. It helps with the mother's milk production, but also helps you form a bond with the baby. They placed Ava on my chest and I wrapped my robe around her and I was in heaven! It felt so good to finally be able to hold my little baby.

There were many ups and downs in the beginning. Even though Ava did great right after birth, she got tired after that first day and did need more help breathing. It seemed like every time she made progress, the next time I saw her she took a little step backwards. It was a hard way to learn that sometimes you really do take two steps forward and one step back to make progress. Seeing my baby like this, it was very hard not to blame myself. I couldn't understand why I went into pre-term labor and if there was something that I had done wrong. I felt like I had let my baby down. I felt like one of the only things I could do for her was provide milk. I would pump and then they would give her the milk through a feeding tube that went in her nose and down to her stomach. Not only did Ava's doctors and nurses help her, but they also offered me emotional support. We were lucky to have such great people caring for her.

After about a week, Ava was moved into an isolette where they could control the humidity level so that it was easier for her to breath. We went to the hospital every day to spend time with Ava and I always dreaded leaving. A mom isn't supposed to have to leave her baby at the hospital. I also called the NICU every night before I went to sleep to see how much Ava weighed and just to check in. After a few more weeks of Ava doing well, they moved her to the trans-NICU. This is where they put the babies who are doing well and don't need as close supervision anymore. At this point, we were just waiting for Ava to be able to regulate her body temp., eat on her own and for her breathing to become more regular.

The day that I walked in and saw Ava in an open crib, I was so excited. This meant that she was able to regulate her body temperature enough to be in open air. Ava had been gaining weight very well and was quite the little bruiser compared to the other preemies, so we weren't surprised that she could keep a consistent temperature. Now she just had to get eating and breathing down. She would do great with one of them, but then have trouble with the other and it went back and forth like this for a while. The doctors put Ava on caffeine to help her breathing. This is common for preemies because caffeine stimulates the respiratory center in the brain and helps them remember to keep breathing and to take big breaths.

The single scariest moment in my entire life was one May Saturday afternoon. It was the same day of the surprise baby shower that my mom and sister had planned for me. I was at the NICU with my parents before the party and I was trying to give Ava a bottle. She still was having a hard time sucking at this point and was taking most of her feedings through the tube. She didn't seem interested in the bottle, but I asked the nurse if she had any tips. She took Ava and said she would try. She tried giving Ava the bottle who didn't open her mouth at all, so the nurse squeezed her cheeks and shoved the bottle in. The milk must have went right down Ava's throat when she wasn't expecting it because she stopped breathing. Ava had choked before and the nurses would rub and pat her back and she would recover, but not this time..

At first, I didn't think it was a big deal, but as the seconds went by I started getting a little panicked, especially when Ava started turning blue. The nurse must have noticed because she said, it's okay, just move out of the way. Behind me was the wall with the oxygen and other emergency equipment. Because Ava was in the trans-NICU, there was only one nurse in there. The mothers of the two other preemies in there started looking very concerned as well as they realized what was going on and one of them went and got another nurse. Meanwhile, the nurse was giving Ava oxygen, but she was still unresponsive. The nurse practitioner and about 5 other nurses came rushing in and laid Ava down and suctioned her out and she started breathing. One of the other nurses was trying to comfort me as I was sobbing uncontrollably. After the nurse practitioner examined Ava and made sure that she was okay and didn't have fluid in her lungs she reassured me and told me that I should pick her up to comfort myself and to let her know that I was there. I held Ava tighter than I ever had, cried, and just kept telling her how much I love her. I just couldn't get the image of my blue, lifeless baby out of my mind. Leaving her that afternoon was so hard.

Well, eventually Ava got the breathing thing down and then she got the eating thing down and we finally thought that we'd be able to bring her home. But, then she started having problems breathing again. They put her back on caffeine which helped immensely. We got our apnea monitor training so that we'd be ready when she was finally given her walking papers. The last 2 weeks was the hardest, most frustrating time because she was doing so well with everything, but there was always that 1 thing that she had problems with. I would get so jealous watching the other families leaving with their babies. I just wanted it to be our turn! I knew that she wasn't ready and I didn't want her to come home until she was 100% ready, but it was still so hard.

After being on the caffeine for 5 days or so, the doctors repeated a 12 hour sleep study to see if Ava's breathing was strong enough for her to come home. I wasn't getting my hopes up because I had been let down so many times already and I just couldn't be disappointed again. But, they gave me good news...we could bring our baby home! After a loooong 51 days in the NICU, Ava was coming home! I don't think I've ever smiled as much as I did the day that we went to pick her up. I probably looked like such an idiot walking into that room because I couldn't stop smiling, but I didn't care, I was so happy and excited that my baby was finally healthy enough and ready to come home.

The beginning of our journey

I should have done this a long time ago to keep everybody updated about our little Ava, but better late than never, right?

I found out almost exactly 1 year ago that I was pregnant and that is when this crazy journey began. We were so excited and the first time we heard that little heartbeat, we were so overjoyed. I even had to schedule a 3-D ultrasound so I could find out the gender

as early as possible. Once we found out we were having a girl we began getting the nursery ready for her. We couldn't wait until we could meet our little baby girl...But Ava decided not to make us wait too much longer.

After 29 weeks of a great and uneventful pregnancy, I started having some weird back pains. When it didn't go away after a day or two we called the doctor. The doctor said that it was probably nothing, but sent us to the hospital anyway just to be safe. When we got there we found that I was experiencing preterm labor and was having contractions... that was when the real excitement started.

I was admitted to the hospital and given a shot of terbutaline to help stop the contractions and a shot of steroids to help develop the baby's lungs in case I ended up having to deliver her early. Throughout the first night I was given several other injections and hooked up to many different types of monitors. The second night, the baby's heart rate dropped several times and I was put on complete bed rest. I wasn't even allowed to walk to the bathroom. The doctors were hoping that I would be able to make it to at least 32 weeks.

But our baby had other plans. Luckily, my family was amazing. They knew how difficult it would be if I was alone with my thoughts, so my parents and sister dropped everything so that they could be with me all the time. We had some ups and downs over the next few days and my mind was put somewhat at ease by the lead neonatologist who came to talk to us and let us know exactly what to expect if I had the baby right then. Of course I was terrified, but I knew the baby would be in great hands.

Things were going pretty smoothly and I thought that maybe we would make it to 32 weeks. After a night with no problems, my doctor finally agreed to let me stand up for a few minutes, which was amazing! Later that day, everyone had left except for my sister. My parents had gone home for the first time all week and Matt was at work.

While Erin and I were playing a game, my nurse ran in and said that the baby was in distress. Erin and I hadn't even noticed, so of course we were panicked. The nurse had me change positions and put an oxygen mask on me in hopes of getting the heart rate back to normal. After about 15 minutes of this, the house doctor came in and said, 'I just talked to your doctor and he's doing a c-section at 4:00.' I couldn't believe it. I was in such shock. I immediately started crying because I was so scared for our baby. Erin comforted me and then called everybody to let them know what was going on. Matt left work right away and rushed to the hospital. My parents, who had left that morning to attend my mom's graduation ceremony, left as the national anthem was being sung to come back to the hospital. Matt's parents just so happened to be coming down to watch after our dog, so they were en route to the hospital as well.

They ended up having to move the c-section back an hour and after waiting possibly the longest 2.5 hours of my life, I was finally being prepped for surgery. I was really nervous for the spinal, but it actually wasn't bad at all. After only 10 minutes or so, we heard the most amazing sound, our baby's tiny scream! Ava Elise was born weighing 3 lbs. 13 oz. and 16.75" at 5:25 p.m. on April 19, 10 weeks earlier than my due date. The NICU team moved fast and cleaned her off and wrapped her up. They let me give her a little kiss and then whisked her away to the NICU where they could assess her. We finally had our baby, but now the real work began.